What The Hell Just Happened?
by MetaJunkie
Summary: An original character finds herself transported from the real world to Hogwarts and she gets sorted into Slytherin. Not complete.
1. We're not in Kansas anymore!

What the Hell Just Happened?  
  
MetaJunkie  
  
With a WHAM! Alyssa woke up from her sleep. As she opened her eyes, looked at the floor. It wasn't carpeted.  
  
"No. It CAN'T be! I'm---"  
  
"What are you doing in the middle of the hallway, and wearing THAT?! That looks like MUGGLE CLOTHING?! Are you a muggle, you little lost girl?"  
  
Holy shit! That's PROFESSOR SNAPE!!!!! And...he's so pissed. I'm fucked!  
  
"I don't have time to put up with your incompetence you sorry excuse for a human, come along!"  
  
She followed the professor for what seemed like a good half-hour she guessed as her watch had stopped working, down the stone hallway and into the Great Hall.  
  
"Headmaster, I found this muggle outside the Slytherin common room..."  
  
I WAS OUTSIDE THE SLYTHERIN COMMON ROOM?!  
  
"...she needs to be dealt with," the Potions Master continued, "If I may, Headmaster?"  
  
"Yes, Severus?"  
  
"I propose we forego the Sorting and place her in a house based on her choosing."  
  
"What say you, Miss. Becker?"  
  
How'd he know my name?! "I'd—rather be---"  
  
Alyssa felt a voice in her mind..."give in...be one of us...be in the best house ever..."  
  
"The poor girl's skull took a good knock, Sir. If I may...?"  
  
"Certainly. Miss Becker, Professor Snape is going to tell us where you ought to be placed, until such time as we can return you to your home in the United States." 


	2. A Strong Hand

I no own. Blah, blah blah, blah. Except for a Miss Becker, that is.

Chapter 2: A Strong Hand

"With all due respect, Mr. Dumbledore…sir, I think I'd rather choose my own house."

"_You stupid insipid girl! Don't do this now! Just...agree. The Headmaster will suggest a course of action. Be valiant and consent!"_

Who are you? How the fuck are you even allowed in MY mind! The whole world is going to Hell in a handbasket in…

"Five…"

"Four…"

"Three…"

"Two…"

"One… Miss Becker, I have given you to the count of five to state your preference regarding your choice of house. As you have obviously not complied, Professor Snape shall choose for you."

"Sir, I would have chosen but…"

"The girl was clearly much too terrified to speak, Headmaster. You saw how her eyes widened in fear. She clearly needs a strong hand. Much stronger, say, than Minerva's or Professor Sprout's."

"Where do you think our young American friend belongs then, Severus?"

"In my house, since Miss Becker so desperately wanted to be Slytherin that she was found outside their common room."

That is so CRAP! I don't know what kind of game he's playing but he's not going to win.

"Why I'd be honored to be a Snake, Professor."

With that, she went to join the far table with Draco, Pansy, Blaise and all the other Slytherins. Draco, who was in his seventh year, regarded her as fresh meat. The look in his eyes told her so.

This promises to be quite fun…


	3. Foretold

Disclaimer: I only own one Alyssa Becker.

Chapter 3: Foretold

During the evening meal, Alyssa was bombarded with questions from her none-too-trusting housemates. The first of which pertained to her parentage. She lied to Draco and stated she was descended from the most famous of wizarding families called the Stevensynders a very old, Germanic, pureblood line. She only prayed that no one in the house took the time to research that name… Thankfully, no one seemed suspicious for her "borrowing" from a muggle TV sitcom which ran from 1964-1972.

After the Inquisition, there were several questions regarding what sort of activities the wizards in America liked. She once again drew upon muggle entertainment and confessed they raced hoverboards, as Quidditch never really caught on over there.

"We hold Hoverboard races in coliseums. Hoverboards are like flying skateboards with jets attached instead of wheels." Belatedly, it occurred to Alyssa that this wizarding culture is not inspired by muggle entertainment, (as she assumed America would be based on the Tossed Salad theory she learned in History class) as she received several blank stares in response. "Well, it's rather like a board which one must stand sideways and balance one's weight upon."

They seemed satisfied that Alyssa Becker was what she said she was and dinner continued quietly. Then Pansy escorted her to the Slytherin dorm room. Pansy was speaking to her, but she was preoccupied with just how in the world she was to pretend to be a witch.

"...and when Snape picks on you, just hike up your skirt some more. Are you even listening to me Alyssa?"

"Huh? Yeah. One question though, why would Snape pick on me? I'm part of his house won't I be immune to his snide remarks?"

"Well, he rather frequently gets in an all-around bad mood when his...arm bothers him. I've found it helps his mood to show a bit more skin. Don't ask why."

But WHY would Snape be interested in my legs? That's just gross.

_Is it **really **gross, Miss Alyssa Leighann Becker? He's only 43 years old. Admit it, you're enticed by him._

Okay voice-in-my-head, I think I'll call you Tim-Tim, if you're so clever as to use my full given name and to try to unnerve me, answer me this: HOW am I to pass off being a witch!

_See Snape tomorrow, and wear that new pair of jeans Tanja got you._

Creep! I'm only-

_Seventeen._

Why are you even in my head, Sir Tim-Tim? What is it that you want from me? My secret family recipe for baked beans? The combination to my safety deposit box? My soul?

_It is foretold of your arrival here..._


End file.
